Maligalig Ngunit Makabuluhang Pasko Sa Ating Lahat

Today, the seventh day before Christmas, I went on a last minute shopping for clothes and gifts for the children's Christmas party this week. I was holding my bag tightly, afraid that thieves will attempt to open its top zipper and look what they (he, she or it) did:



Unfortunately for them, luck... or more appropriately, my guardian angel was on my side. My valuables were on the side that was not slashed: celphones, wallet and my purchased clothes. I was about to eat my lunch at McDonalds on the second floor of the mall in this city, when I noticed my sagada-woven pencil case popping out of the side of my bag. Before my mind can figure out what had happened I felt through inside my bag and yes, everything was still there. Haaayy!! McDO value meal didn't taste much better than today's lunch. Yummy!

So it was the thief who was malas and I was definitely swerte.. Today, I realized that even if I no longer have a 13th month pay to expect nor a bonus cash gift from the office, I still have my blessings. No matter how simple like unconsciously getting away with those demonic mandurukots slash slashers, I still always have my share of blessings. Mas magaling pa rin ang Diyos ko kesa sa diyos nila. (MY God is still much better than their gods.)

Friends, it's still Merry Christmas and I wish all of you a meaningful one:

A Visit to Remember

The NGO that I work with had some foreign visitors who came here to learn and experience poverty early last month. Kakaiba di ba? We Filipinos are raring to get out of this God-forsaken slash going- to- the- dogs country with all its kahirapan and here is a group of long term supporters from the First World choosing to take a tour, not in the beautiful sites offered by Ace Durano's WOW Philipppines, but to that part of the Philippine cultural divide also known as the poor, deprived,oppressed and exploited. What a mouthful! Have you caught your breath yet?

So anyway, they were actually here to understand how our NGO FACILITATE DEVELOPMENT. (Now, I'm talking the talk.) And we did it like any NGO would. The visit started with expectations setting, visit and integration with the partner communities (another NGO lingo)and it ended with an evaluation and reflection. But the good part was, and I haven't experienced this with my past NGO employers, the exposure to Philippine cultural and historical sites and activities. Oh but excuse me, I did have some cultural exposures in the past. They were oftentimes alternative, meaning, Bistro '70s concerts and gigs with all the smoke and drinks. This time, I got to chance to get inside a cockfight arena and dine in Zamboanga Restaurant in Malate. A cultural show where our traditional dances like the singkil, tinikling and carinosa were featured.





During the actual community visit, we, the staff and visitors, were divided into three groups. I joined the group that stayed in a sub-village (a purok) that is occupied by the risk-taking and hard-working migrants (mostly) from Negros thus their community is caled Pulong Visaya. The stay in the community consisted of two days and one night mingling with the residents at their homes and in their work.

Let's Talk About That

On the night of the visit, my colleague and the two foreign ladies were chatting about how the day went. We have just finished a dinner of ginisang ampalaya and pritong tilapia.

" I feel bad about driving Nana Mareng out of her bedroom," one of the visitors said. "That's her bedroom we're using, isn't it?"

We nodded.

"Why does she have to let us use it? We can stay here in the living room." She asked.

"Filipino hospitality." I replied. "We just do it. Even if it is my house you're visiting, I'll let you use the master's bedroom. If you call it such." I added.

"Would you really? If you visited me in Utah, I'll let you sleep in the living room." She remarked laughing.

" My house is just like this one. We have a narrow alley that serves as the living room and dining area. We also have two rooms like this, although one of our rooms is bigger because the whole family sleeps there. The other room is smaller, it's where the aunt/ baby sitter stays." I went on to describe our home.

"So you and your husband sleep with the children? How old did you say they were?" She asked again.

" 6, 4 and 1 year old. Yes, we sleep together in one bed." I smilingly answered her. I think I know where the question is leading to.

"If you don't mind me asking, how..." she trailed off.

I laughed and finished the question for her, "How did we do it? I had three kids, so we did."

"Hey, no one asked that." The other lady told her.

"That's why I'm asking." She replied.

"It's okay. My answer is, (I lowered my voice) the kids sleep tightly." We burst out laughing again.

"It's a matter of timing." My colleague said. Another round of laughter.



"I'm not really surprised by the question. I was actually expecting it." I said. "Do you know Cory Aquino?"

The lady who asked the question shook her head (Whoah! I thought. So here is somebody who doesn't know Cory and most probably Kris Aquino. What a relief!)

"Well, Cory is the first Filipina president. ( But no, she and her husband didn't sleep in one bed with all their kids, I thought again.) And her youngest daughter, Kri,s is a popular host of a game on TV, Deal or No Deal."

"Oh I know that TV show. So you have it here too?" The other lady interjected.

"Yes," I nodded. " And she asked that same question to one of her contestants in one of the episodes!"

"On national TV?!" The visitor exclaimed.

"Yes she did. The contestant said she wanted to renovate her present house because it was small and she and her husband sleep in one room with their three young sons. Kris found that unbelievable." I ended my story.

What I failed to tell our foreign friends was that there are smaller and poorer houses across the Philippines and it is in these houses where population booms often happen.

Let's Talk About That Again

The following morning, we went to the vegetable farms where some of the residents work as farm help. Although at these times, not many were hired because picking season is almost over. The visitors were amazed at how long Philippine stringed-beans can be. We told them that the longer these are, the more expensive they become and less opportunity for the pickers themselves to eat it.

So we "toured" through the trellises and took pictures and exchanged about how the stringed beans are grown and how much the pickers earn from it, etc, etc. After looking at the vegetables, we went back to hut of the caretaker and continued our "educational discussion", the huntahan (Storytelling).

Since everyone of us were women, the questions and stories gravitated towards THAT again. I say THAT not because I am prude but because no one said S*X but everyone said "'YUN" or THAT.

It started with a question on marrying age. One of the residents who were with us said she got married at 14. Not because she wanted to but because her father learned that one of her suitors is the son of a family who has their own land to till. So he forced her to marry the guy whom she didn't like then because she has her eyes set on someone else. She went on to tell her life story including how her father hurt her when she resisted and how she tried to commit suicide by downing kerosene and how she was saved by her mother by letting her drink something so she would vomit the kerosene. Her storytelling was full of gestures and vocal intonation that we were swayed by all the feelings that she had then. We laughed when she did, became-teary eyed when she did and laughed again when she did. ( I had that incredible task of translating the story to our guests and we had to let the story finish before translating it to them fully).



The pre-marriage was only the first part. The more exciting and reflective part was the story of how she ran away from her groom/ husband on their first night together: the honeymoon.

"I didn't know what happens on the first night. I was fourteen and we didn't have TV of books. No one told me what I was about to experience!" She exclaimed. All our eyes were set on her, amused by her story.

"So when he went on top of me and started undressing me, I fought back. Then ran away towards our neighbors. I was crying and I was very mad. I firmly believed then that he was not supposed to be doing that to me!" Her listeners, us, were now rolling with laughter.

We stopped laughing when she said, "My mother slapped me when she found out and she said she'll slap me if I ran away again. So there it is, my life story. Now, we already have two children and he's away while I take care of the children and our small farm. Life is difficult but I guess I have grown to love him too." She said smiling.

Transferring THAT knowledge to our children

After the sharing, one of the visitors asked her and the rest of the mothers who were with us if they are willing to teach their children about sex education at the right time. The visitors added that in the US, they freely talk about it with their children as part of their preparation.

The mother who shared her story said she will but not all details. She doesn't want her daughter running to neighbors like her. Another mom said, she may not because her kids will find out when they're ready anyway, but if asked about it, she'll also explain.

A reflective silence followed. Then everyone started thanking everyone else for sharing even their personal stories. And I thought, the conversation was so amazing. The only thing lacking was a cameraman and floor directors and we could have been participants to a round table discussion on S*@X Education in rural Philippines.

By the end of the visit, during the evaluation and reflection, the women who were in our group cited this conversation as something that they can not forget and was very grateful for. It was just like any other women-talk or kitchen chat where everyone learned from everyone else. That's how I felt too.