Between Taking It Easy and Going For The Gold

I already posted this blog in November last year but I submitted it to Pinoy Moms Network's The Parenting Blog. I had to remove it for a while and wait for it to get published there first. The good news is, it has been APPROVED and POSTED here making it my very first PMN The Parenting Blog article.

Below is the original version in it's original context. Happy reading:

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Ever since my eldest daughter entered school, it has been my dilemma to whether take it easy on her or to do my very best to help her get the gold. And by getting the gold, I meant figuratively and literally. Karerin eka nga.

There were three recent events that compelled me decide once and for all, what my stand is on this question. First was, when I received her report card for the first quarter and received news that she slipped to third honors. She was most outstanding prep pupil last year and that was equivalent to being first honors. Next was, when she joined the Nueva Ecija Private Pre-elementary and Elementary Schools Association (NEPPEESA)Quiz Bee (Science category) in the province's First District. Finally, when she was one of the candidates for Little Miss United Nations in her school last October 27.

SAYANG!

Sayang is one word that best described all three situations.

"Sayang, third honors ka na pala."

"Sayang, number six ka sa quizbee. Top five lang ang makakasali sa provincial level."

"Sayang, kulang ka sa praktis sa Ms. UN."

Two years ago, she entered Kindergarten not knowing how to hold a pencil. I was very strict during the first quarters. When I saw tears rolling down her cheeks when I get mad at her for not writing the ALPHABET correctly, I decided to take it easy. The results: she was one point away from graduating in Kindergarten with honors.

"Ay, sayang naman." Those in the know remarked. "Binayaran mo na lang sana." They even said.

Now, of course, knowing Trinity, she doesn't actually give a damn about all these things. Well, she does at first, but she's never one to cry over spilt milk. In fact, she hates milk. She'd rather have a Milo drink or Nestea Iced tea.


What I mean is, at her age and personality, there is not much pressure for her to get top awards. Good if she does, try again next time, if she doesn't. Now, here is when my different mommy personas collide. On one hand, I commend her for achieving these things that I have not achieved when I was her age. On the other hand, I and most everyone else, see her full of potentials. I think it wold be unfair to her if she doesn't get all the assistance that she needs to flourish even more.

Take the academic standing and the quiz bee for instance. Unlike the first two years of her schooling, I have not been able to monitor her studies this year. More because of work-related reasons rather than my quest to avoid pressuring her. Her studies (and contest)were between her and her teachers. My husband and I get into the picture only on weekends before exams. After all that's been said and done, it's SAYANG when she manages to reach only the lower levels of the academic ladder. At one point, some would say, it's just fine because she has been studying and making it her own. But for some, it would exactly be their point. If she can do good on her own, she could have scaled greater heights had there been more support. As my sister texted back when I told her, Trinity placed sixth in the Quiz Bee:

"Sayang naman.Kulang lang yan sa review."







Decisions, decisions

So now I take a stand, decisions have to be made.I am her mom, and it is my sworn and natural duty to assist her achieve her full potentials. And by the powers vested upon, she has no other recourse but to obey!

Nah, I won't go back to yelling and hitting her hands with pencils like I used to some time ago. I hated myself for that. And I wonder, is it a parent's thing to become physical when it comes to children not studying according to their standards? Anyways, whatever the reasons, it's bad just the same.

Five things in my mind to guide me guide her (and my other children) when it comes to giving one's best shot:

1. Be decisive. Would I want to let her take it easy and do things in her own sweet time or should I nudge more and instill in her the value of hard work to earn higher awards/ blessings? I believe that whatever my decision would be, I should stick to it to be more more consistent with how we (her and I) deal with her achievements or endeavors.

2. Regain my personal discipline. From grade 1 to second year high school, I have been a very studious and orderly pupil, I was bordering on obsessive-compulsive behavior. I learned to take it easy in junior high and let everything go in college. The results, I became a crammer and still am, professionally and domestically. In a way, the attitude has rubbed on my children. Sometimes, if I tell Trinity to review, she'll reply that there is enough time in the morning because the exam is in the afternoon. Talk about having a brilliant kid! And a joyfully exasperating one just the same.

3. Instilling the concept of time. As in "A Time for Every Season". At this age, I do not believe in asking, errr, commanding her to prioritize her studies. I would rather develop in her the understanding of doing things in their own time. I think it's best to allocate time for every activity: playtime, TV time, study time, until it becomes a habit.

4. Think of studying or practice as a game or an entertainment. That way, both of us enjoy what is often considered as something to be taken seriously. Play acting would be really fun.

5. Lastly, explaining to her, in children's terms, the cost and benefits of doing well in her studies and in whatever competitions that she may join. For example:

"Anak, mag-aral kang mabuti para ma-first honor ka uli. Kasi pag na first ka, may discount ka sa tution fee. Pag may discount sa tuition fee, madadagdagan pambili natin ng Jollibee."

To which she will most probably reply:

"E kung pandesal na lang bilhin natin. Wag nang Jollibee. Pwede na ba akong maging fourth honor?"